Thursday, November 24, 2005

A forwarded mail..

Got this mail from a friend 2 days back, opened it that day morning, read half of it by evening. Liked it so left it as I was getting only half the stuff as half of my mind was busy doing some work. So read it again today finally. Here goes...


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It was raining heavily outside. Dark clouds gathered in the sky and nature was in its ominous best. I took a break from my work and went to the pantry to grab a cup of coffee. I had a sip and went near the window to see the rain pouring down heavily outside the glass structure. I was inside our huge office building, unruffled by even the fierceness of the nature. Through the heavy transparent glass, I could see a small girl trying to hold on to her umbrella which the wind was snatching away from her. I felt sorry for the girl, and was happy that I was not in a similar pathetic situation. Yes. I take pride for the fact that I am a software engineer. . I have everything which a common man would envy; money, status, respect, you name it I have it. I always wanted to be software professional and here I am, working for one of the best firms in the world. But then, am I really happy? Now, I could see an imprint of my palm on the other glass window, through which I reminisced my past, basked in the warmth of the sun shine.

My childhood was so much of fun. I vividly remember those rainy days, when I hugged my mother tightly during sleeping listening to all the stories told by her. Now, I have a big house here, but then it is just a house, not a home. My parents are pretty far away from me now. I have a cell phone to talk to them everyday, but then I really miss those dinners which I had with my family everyday. I could easily afford to taste all the different cuisines these days, but the best of food there, lack the love and affection which is present in the food prepared by my mother.

I threw a lavish party for my colleagues for my birthday, but then they would never replace the birthdays when my friends secretly brought a cake and at the end, half of the cake would have ended up on my face. The couple of hundred bucks that u save for a long period just to give a treat to your friends in the road side chat shop can never give the pleasure even after spending a few thousand bucks these days.

The scene of me crying and refusing to have dinner on the day when I fought with my best friend came to my mind. Today, she has gone far away from me, taking away my love and with it my life, but I am sitting and coding here with a false smile on my face. Everyday I meet new people, but then I long ceased to make a new friend.

It's true that I have a lot of things now. I have a nice bed, but no time to sleep. Lots of money, but no friends to spend it with. The latest designer clothes, but a worn out body. Quite a few to flirt, but no one to love. Awards for technical excellence, but no reward for the crave for peaceful ambience. A confident demeanor, but a reluctant and apathetic mind. Full of rain, but no sunshine even in the farthest distance.

Now, I could see the small girl on the road enjoying in the rain with her umbrella firmly in her grip. She might not have all the comforts which I have, but then she has the innocence and fun which I lost a long time back. I have decided to come out of this false fantasy, even if it is at the expense of losing the tap of the software engineer. I am going to again enjoy my life. I am going to go out in the rain and play with the small kid now. I removed my tie, and went near my computer to shut it down. Just then, I saw a new mail alert in my mail box. I slowly opened outlook and I found a message from my manager with an attachment saying that there was a critical defect in the code and I have to fix it soon. I convinced myself that I am not going to get bogged down again by these pressures and stick to my decision. I ignored the mail and went to the rest room. After a couple of minutes, the software engineer in me came out, his shirt tucked in with the perfect tie knot, sat before the computer, and started typing,

I am looking into the defect and will send the patch files before EOD.

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Is that all life is..

Friday, November 18, 2005

a yummy night out ;)

Few days back I got this idea of going out in AC's car to have some fun. I never thought Dix/tin would agree for that on a weekday but to my amazement they agreed. Gaurav is fun-loving so I knew he would not create a problem. And no doubts about AC. It was when AC told that his parents will come 4-5 days later that i got this idea. We finally left our place at 9:00 and picked Gaurav from hitec to go to eat street....

We sat in one of the tables and AC started his 'games' (ask piyush/manjeet/me for more on his games). He had already played lots of them in the Car while driving. By the way, the stereo was playing the Aashiq banaya apne songs continuously for us which everyone just loves. So we ate some stuff and sat in eat street for more than 2 hours continously. All this time we were not aware of the people around us. I was shouting like anything to counter AC's statements as he was lying again and again. We talked about lots of things and were mostly focussed on one single topic. Well! that topic is a bit censored to be written here so I wont :( . At 11:45 we went to this Lipton shop in the adjacent garden to have some tea etc. We took tea and AC got us some stuff to eat, I dont remember what Ac was calling it, 'jhaljhala' or sth like that. We stayed there for some 20 minutes when police siren started ringing to vacate the area.

As we were left with no option but to leave, we went to our second decided place. Ohri's banjara. We went there and ate 'Bull's eye'. It was awesome. Its even better than the 'Autumn dreams' served in Melting moments. I just love it. We stayed there for around 1 hour and started for home around 1:15. We came to the durgam cheruvu road thinking of staying for some more time but didnt stop there and came back home directly.

After freshening up Nitin and Dixit went to sleep. AC, Gaurav and I chatted for around 2 hours :D. We finally slept at 4:00 and had to get up to come to office. AC was complaining just now as he had meetings all day ;). I am not feelin sleepy though. We finally came to office in AC's car at 10:45 again listening to the same Aashiq banaya aapne tunes :). Life is not that bad afterall. But I got one news just sometime back. I have to come to office tomorrow. "Fate it seems is not without a sense of irony." I have spent my saturday already yesterday so I have to spend my saturday in office now. Life is not that good too it seems ;).

Thursday, November 17, 2005

significance of 15552000

6 months or 180 days or 4320 hours or 259200 minutes or 15552000 seconds. I have finally completed 6 months of industry experience. Sounds good, bad, ugly, great, none of these. I dont think it really matters. But yes, I have learnt/experienced lot of things in these 6 months which I never could in the 4 years of bachelors life. There are so many twists and turns, so many options and so many parameters in life when you are in industry that its difficult to think about them and decide what actually you want. Life is not as easy as it was in academics, where everything was defined. You just had to chose - vision or DE, this course or that one, thats it. But now its different. Many people are confused about what they want and what they are doing but they just dont get time or they just avoid to think about it. We find alternate ways to keep ourselves busy and absorbed. Those who think about it , either end up having a drastic change in their lives or end up compromising. I dont know what I am writing. So I will better stop now.

why did i stop killing

around an year back, I never gave a damn about it. Around 6 months back I went through a transition and I am here again re-thinking my decision. I had been eating non-veg since birth (i mean when i was 5-8 years old) and never thought it to be bad or anything. Manjeet used to comment every now and then whenever me/amal/ketan ate non-veg. That we dont trust any religion or God or something like that. It never affected me though Amal used to avoid it whenever bothra was serious. But I came to an abrupt halt when I was at home. I was roaming with my sister in the car and it was raining outside. I saw a lorry filled with around 100 chickens ready to be slaughtered. I thought about it and felt bad. I felt that we should not kill them just because they taste good. They are afterall living beings if not human beings. So I stopped eating nonveg and became a Veggie.

Many times I felt that urge to eat non-veg and because of some great people like Amal who tempted me to eat, I ate also. But I have hardly eaten nonveg for 2-3 times in the past 6 months. There are no religious or any traditional issues. It was just on moral grounds. But I always feel like eating it whenever I go to some places where nonveg is good :). Yesterday I went to green park to attend a seminar on performance tuning of applications where we got a free lunch buffet :). They had nonveg all around and my colleagues were eating it like animals :( . I felt like eating but i didnt.

Then in the night I was chatting with one of those nonveggies Gaurav. He, being a supporter of nonveg community was talking about the benefits. I agreed to most of them. And thought again about my decision which I took 6 months back. Come on yaar, I dont have to avoid non-veg altogether. I dont have to find reasons to support but afterall as Gaurav says "life is too short buddy, have the dessert first". So why do i need to restrict myself. I should avoid it on moral grounds but eating once in a while is OK. Though one murder is as good as 10, but I think I have already murdered more than 10 :) then why stop ;). How can I be so insensitive. Whatever! I hope atleast nonveggies will support me ;).

Tuesday, November 8, 2005

kyonki!! we are back from diwali holiday..

first things first...if u havent seen "kyonki" until now..plz plz plz dont see it. Details will come by the time this post finishes..

now about the holidays :) .. well home has always been a great place to "hangin" (well hangout is to hang out, so hang in means to stay indoors :D ) .. I have always liked sleeping and eating as the two major things to do at home...this time also I did both of them alot...but not as much as I used to...i dont know any specific reason..maybe there is none..

Didnt do anything worthwhile at home so wont write much about it..except that I met my old Bhaiya after a longgggg time..that too just incidentally..he gave me some good tips to follow...the one i liked most was the one about not doing work at office for 3 days and then stying back late the next day to finish the piled up stuff...others included to keep 7-11 in the evening as ur time and invest it in urself...go out with friends, go for shopping, read, invest time in ur hobbies and stuff and for god sake, dont waste time in watching TV....one great thing he said was.. when spending 7-11 starts looking difficult to you, thats the time u shud think about getting married ...huh!! is that the case...anyways...after talking to him I felt that I was really wastin my life...I shud do something and spend my time in better ways...have to figure out in what still :) ..

anyways...rest of the time at home I spent in thinking about "trivial" things..the train journey back to hyderabad was also like that...I read "Eragon" for sometime and slept for the rest...after reaching home, I had to go to see this stupid movie "Kyonki" for which Gaurav and dixit had already bought tickets...so finally without eating much, we went for movie....If you are mad, go and see the movie..because it wont affect you, but if u r not, and u go for the movie, you will be mad just after seeing the end...so good luck to those who are going to see it and no comments for those who have already made the mistake :D

Gaurav is shifting with Rammy and Parida...Tin came back on monday finally...
my company is goin to build the new campus finally (most probably in gachibowli)...
orkut got blocked today...gtalk got blocked yesterday :((..i dont know how i will survive ..
talked to amal for 32 minutes yesterday, he was as usual frustrated...
had 3 meetings today...one with our SVP in the morning, second a small team meeting and third town hall meeting in which we came to know about our new office...

Read 150 pages of One night @ call centre yesterday and slept at 3:30 (feeling sleepy now), I felt it was ok, though not v good...better than Gaurav's comments...

planning to go for shaadi no 1, garam masala, harry potter, some shopping and to institute to meet some ppl this weekend...huh! shud learn some time management...